When I was single, I used to ask this question all the time: where can I meet a quality man? I wondered where they were. I always felt left out, like I was missing the party and everyone knew but me. I felt I was not hip or cool enough to be part of the ‘quality men group’ invitees. But the truth is I strongly believed there were no good guys in San Francisco, because most men were gay and if they were straight they knew how highly in-demand they were, so they were a bunch of Mr. Players, Mr. Needys, and Mr. Non-committals. And since I wanted nothing to do with “those” types, I did what I call outsourcing: I went for the long distance guys. And well, for 12 years I attracted ALL the wrong men – all 11 of them- WRONG!
Once I changed my dating approach and realized how ridiculous it was for me to think there were no good quality guys in San Francisco, I started meeting good guys literally everywhere.
Now I’m a dating coach for lovely single ladies like you, and I get this “Where do I meet quality men?” question all the time.
My answer is I don’t know where to meet quality men! Just as much as I don’t know where to meet quality women. I mean, is there a designated bar, club, meeting, gathering, retreat, etc. to meet quality, relationship-ready men or women??
This doesn’t exist. Matchmakers and dating apps are as close as it gets to gathering a group of mostly single men and women who want to date. However, there’s no exam to pass to see if a man is a quality man before he’s part of a dating app or a matchmaker’s list.
The reality is there are quality men EVERYWHERE just as there are quality women everywhere. To women who say I live in a small town and there are no guys in my town, I say the quality man is probably saying the same thing. ‘My town is small and there are no quality women in my town,’ and yet you’re sitting on the other side of town having a coaching session with me about where to find quality guys…
The most important thing is to be clear about who you’re looking for. Who is your ideal match? Is he into activities or sports; is he into spirituality, or yoga, or self improvement; is he a businessman and has a 9-5 job downtown; is he an entrepreneur and works for himself…who is he? And then based on that, go to places where it’s more likely for you to meet him. Here are some ideas on where to meet men:
1- Retreats and Self-empowerment events
Yoga classes/retreats, self-growth and leadership events and seminars are places that a guy who is into spirituality and/or self improvement might frequent.
2- Group sports/activities
If you are looking for someone who is into sports, outdoor activities, or indoor activities, look into health clubs, group hikings, singles ski trips, group sporting event outings, etc.
3- Steak houses and happy hours near workplaces
These are places where men who have 9-5 jobs will likely gather. They’re close to work, and they can go for a quick drink or a bite to eat. Now for those of you who might be terrified to go out for a drink or meal by yourself, here is a little inspirational story: a few years ago, even though I was already in a committed relationship, I decided I wanted to take myself out for a nice meal alone. Why? Because I was so scared of being alone where I could get judged by others that I’m at a restaurant with no one to accompany me. But I said to myself if I am coaching this, I am doing this! And it was one of the best things I ever did. I realized how easy it is to talk to people. I wasn’t there to meet men so I ended up chatting with the lady behind the bar, but I realized it would have been very easy to talk to men. It felt good to get over my fear of being judged (and to treat myself to a nice meal!).
You can pretty much find any kind of activity interest on meetup.com. If you’re into wine tasting, french language, or the latest virtual reality technology, then meetup.com can tell you where exactly there’s a meeting near you to join.
5- Networking events
If you’re into men who have their own business and are entrepreneurs, they probably gather at networking events. And not only will you know what he does right away, but you also get an opportunity to chat and get to know him before you decide if he might be a good potential match to date!
6- Online dating
There’s no hiding the fact that I am a big fan of online dating. I always tell my clients that online dating is the 21st century version of starting a courtship. In the past (meaning our mother’s time and their mothers’ time), one would go to a social dance (à la Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice or Ren McCormack and Ariel Moore in Footloose). With online dating, you get to read the profiles and choose, you don’t have to worry about awkward first meeting moments, and you can strike up a conversation and see if he will take the lead. Online dating can be great, as long as you know how to use online dating well. In my experience, the ones that have yielded the highest results are okcupid.com and match.com. And if you want social proof, a majority of my clients and I myself found our life partners on OKCupid.
7- Tell your friends
Last but not least, don’t hesitate to let your friends and family know you are intentional about creating your love life and you don’t mind being introduced to a man. You have nothing to lose. This is what I tell my clients: every date is an opportunity to grow and learn more about yourself. So no date is a waste of time! If you don’t like the guy, then you don’t continue and politely end it.
Now here’s the deal…
Mr. Relationship-ready, Mr. Player, Mr. Non-Committal, and Mr. Needy are everywhere and in every town. If you haven’t gotten a copy of my free gift, Broken Picker Solution: Stop Dating The Wrong Men Now!, then click here to learn about men’s characteristics when it comes to dating so you can recognize them quickly and stop wasting your precious time. The reality is there are men who lie, ghost, cheat, fight, and/or are in it for sex only, as well as those who are totally ready to respect, love, and commit in every town. Just because YOU haven’t found the right match for you doesn’t mean he’s not out there. What that says is 1) you need to keep going and not give up on finding love – don’t settle for anything less than what your heart desires, and 2) you wanna get busy educating yourself on how to date and create your love life effectively. If what you’re doing is not working, then you gotta change it.
Once you know how to date effectively, you can find quality men EVERYWHERE!
As always, I wanna hear from you. I wanna know the biggest insight you’re taking away from this blog. Leave a comment below. And if you enjoyed this blog, join Dating with Confidence’s FREE and PRIVATE Facebook group, “Dating Tips For Savvy Single Ladies,” where you can have more personal interaction with me and get support around your love life. And share this blog with your friends.
To your dating success!
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