You’re a leader – a smart, result-oriented woman. You know what you want and you’ve done a great job forging a path to success in various parts of your life. People respect you and you’ve got a lot going for you.
So why isn’t the same thing happening when it comes to your love life?
I know, it’s doesn’t make any sense. Well I’m here to tell you that it actually makes a LOT of sense. If you’re a high-achieving woman and you feel like things are going well for you in your life except when it comes to dating, I’m going to tell you exactly why that might be the case.
Here are the top 3 reasons why successful women fail at relationships:
- Smart in Life ≠ Smart in Dating
Because you’re smart, you’re probably good at a lot of things (and you probably expect yourself to be good at everything). You pick up concepts quickly and you can put them into practice – but these are usually things that you learned by going to school or through work experience, or maybe even by watching how-to videos to get things done.
Here’s the thing about relationships, though – there’s no school to teach you how to create a successful love life. And unless you’ve taken the time to research this and take courses in this too, chances are this isn’t something you actually know the ins and outs of. And because you’ve probably tried a bunch of things and they haven’t worked out for you, you might have some beliefs that are limiting you and standing in your way now, too.
Do you know how to tell the difference between a man who is relationship-ready and one who is just playing the field or non-committal ? It can be tough if you don’t know the signs – the Player and Mr. Non-committal can be very convincing.
Do you know how to communicate so you can attract and keep the type of guy you really want to be in a lasting relationship with?
This is what I mean – unless you know these things, dating is just a game of chance and it can feel like a waste of time. It can make you feel really frustrated with the whole thing, like you’re never going to find someone decent or that you have to give up the awesome life you have you’ve built for yourself in order to be in a relationship – basically like you have to give up being the amazing awesome you in order to be with someone.
You can’t just be smart with your career- you have to know how to be smart in dating.
- You Confuse Self-Esteem with Self-Worth
If you’re a savvy, successful, smart and high achieving woman, you have created success in your life and career. You don’t like to fail and you are willing to work really hard to get results.
So your self-esteem is high and intact as a result of the different kinds of success that you’ve created. But here is the deal: self-esteem is conditional. For example, you got a promotion at work or you were praised for your leadership of your team in the office. Self-esteem deals with our ability to relate through our skills and achievements. But self-worth is based on how we relate to ourselves and others based on our own perceived value. Many successful women can have low self-worth hidden behind their accomplishments and abilities.
A person with high self-esteem can have feelings of very low self-worth, and this is pretty common. Just because you are confident in many areas of your life doesn’t mean you’re necessarily giving yourself high marks in the value department ESPECIALLY when it comes to receiving love.
Now here is the tricky part: most often with a high self-esteem comes the desire to not make mistakes and be right about things, but not necessarily in a bossy way. The tricky part is when you might have certain limiting beliefs about love, men and dating; with your need to be right, you keep attracting those situations and then you get to be right about it. OR you stay in a situation longer than you know you should because you want to be right about it.
So while your self-esteem grows because you’re right yet again, your self-worth actually decreases because you’re not getting and creating what your heart really desires – and well, as a result, you feel compromised and frustrated for not having what you really want to have.
- You’re good at being responsible and fixing things
Obviously these are great qualities – they allow you to make a lot of things right and to be able to fully take care of yourself and your life, but since you’re good at this, you probably tend to take on the responsibility of fixing other people or a relationship as well. So instead of connecting with someone who is relationship-ready, you gravitate toward a guy who needs fixing and help or you end up molding yourself like a pretzel trying to make the relationship work.
This is like displaced power – it gives you a good feeling to help and to fix, it can even make you feel wanted and needed (and let’s be honest, in control), but it doesn’t translate into creating a positive, whole relationship. This causes you to settle on the wrong person, even becoming malleable to make things work. You tend to lose yourself in whatever would make the situation work. It’s no wonder so many successful, smart women don’t want to get in the “trap” of being in a relationship, because they are afraid that they need to give up who they are and what they have created.
You’re good at taking matters in your own hands and being responsible, and you want things to be right, so you’re incredibly good at rationalizing and justifying your choice. And because you don’t believe the other person can be responsible for himself, or you don’t want to assume that someone can do something for you, you take the whole relationship’s success on your own shoulders.
Ending a relationship like this feels bad to you, because that means you couldn’t fix what was broken. It feels like a fail, so you continue to work hard to fix things that usually aren’t fixable and aren’t your responsibility.
When any of these three things are at fault, you’ll find yourself making excuses and settling for a situation that doesn’t align you with your authentic self. So you settle and live in a relationship that doesn’t truly make you happy, or you constantly deal with breakups.
But don’t worry, there’s hope! Remember what I said at the beginning, you’re probably in this situation because you thought you should already know these things and you just haven’t learned about them yet.
If you’d like to know EXACTLY how to identify the four different kinds of men that exist when it comes to dating – including how to know if a man is relationship-ready – AND what you need to do once you meet him, I’ve created a free training for you called The “Broken Picker” Solution. This is information you can use immediately, and I’m giving it away because I believe with all my heart that every woman deserves love. And to create the love life you deserve and desire, you need to know what’s keeping you from that quality relationship. With so many things in your life going right, you are absolutely capable of attracting and keeping Mr. Right too!
Now I wanna hear from you. I wanna know the biggest insight you’re taking away from this blog. Leave a comment below. Join Dating with Confidence in empowering more women on their journey to create their desired love life and share this blog with your friends.
Here’s to YOUR love life
P.S. Want to see me talk about this topic? Click >HERE< to watch the video. Be sure to subscribe to the DWC Channel while you’re there so you don’t miss any tips!
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