The law of attraction states that we attract into our lives that which we believe. You’ve probably heard sayings like “Like attracts like,” or “Birds of a feather flock together,” or “It’s is done unto you as you believe.”
Now if you suffer from attracting the wrong men, I’m not saying that you’re doing that because YOU are not a woman of value – what I’m saying is YOUR CURRENT BELIEFS around dating, men, relationships and love (the negative thoughts you say to yourself over and over again) are consistently attracting the wrong men to you.
If you’re coming to the dating field from a place of fear, scarcity and lack, protection, hopelessness, anger, and/or holding a grudge, all of that is causing you to attract the wrong men.
Imagine you’re a radio station. Your thoughts and beliefs are like the music you play. If you play heavy metal, you attract a certain audience, and if you play classical music, you attract a different audience. Just like the music, your beliefs make you feel certain emotions and as a result, you act a certain way and different actions attract different kinds of men.
If you are afraid of being cheated on, you attract men who cheat; if you’re afraid of being abandoned, you attract men who jump from one relationship to the next. Why? Because that’s what you are focusing on when you are dating. You’re so busy being afraid that you’re not putting your awesome, amazing, authentic, open, vulnerable self out there, and therefore you’re meeting men who are experiencing you as closed off, unavailable, desperate, and/or clingy – none of which makes you a ‘Quality Man Magnet,’ so to speak. So in a way you are attracting the negative dating experiences and proving to yourself that you are right about your negative beliefs.
Here’s an example: let’s say you believe all the good men in your town are taken, and you feel scared because you think you’re going to be left alone. This can lead you to jump into a relationship with a man that you don’t know much about but you’ve just met and find attractive, because he might be the only good one left…
Are you picking up what I’m putting down?
Let me help you stop this cycle with 5 actionable steps you can take right now:
1- Take inventory of your beliefs and adjust them if necessary
Listen, you gotta come really clean with yourself. When I was a kid, I didn’t care much about school, so I would get very low grades. My father would always have “the talk” with me to see what was going on, and I would always make random excuses. He’d say to me, “Raeeka, whatever you do, always be honest with yourself.” That was the BIGGEST lesson I learned from those talks. And now I am telling you, the same applies here: whatever you do, be honest with yourself. Dig deep and ask yourself, what are you really telling yourself about love, men, dating and relationships? And what do you believe to be true about finding love? If you discover any negative beliefs it’s time to change them, sister! Because even though to you they seem true, they are not the universal truth. Otherwise, yours truly along with thousands and thousands of other women who have found love would still be single.
2- Manage your dating speed
Ok, so this one is a HUGE one, and so related to Step #1 above. If your thoughts and beliefs around love, men, dating and relationships are fear-based, then guess what: you’ll jump right into a relationship with a man that says yes to you or even if you don’t jump in, you’ll get attached and be trapped in a fantasy world with him.
Take your time. It takes time to get to know someone. Love takes time to grow. Be aware of rushing in because you are attracted to him rather than taking your time with him so you get to know him and see if he’s a match for you.
3- Collect information
I see so many women go on dates and assume things or interpret the guy in a way that they want him to be. If you listen closely, the guy is ALWAYS telling you who he is and what he wants. Get past the initial attraction and see if his words and actions are matching. Pay attention and see if he is interested in learning about you and getting to know you.
Don’t get trapped in your idea of him…just because he has a good job, comes from a good family, seems to pursue you or be attentive on the first couple of dates doesn’t mean he’s a relationship-ready man. Sit back, relax, give it time to learn about him. Trust me – if he’s not your match it’s SO MUCH easier to walk away because you’re dating from a place of confidence, rather than from a place of fear.
4- Communicate your needs
When you’re with him, let him know what you like and what’s important to you. Ask for what you need in a feminine, open and collaborative way. For example, always let him know you’re enjoying getting to know him, and also let him know what your needs are and ask him what he thinks you guys can do about it. If he’s not responding in a collaborative way, he’s not a match. When you find this out up front, you can avoid getting stuck with the “wrong man” again.
5- Educate yourself
You know how you went to school to get a degree and find a job and learn all you can to be ready to create success in your life? Do the same for your love life. Get obsessed (in a good way) with learning all you can to help you date effectively. You can start by learning the 4 types of men that are out there in the dating world. I’ve created a free training for you that does just that – if you don’t have it already, pick up my gift to you, “The Broken Picker Solution”, and you’ll learn instantly how to stop wasting time dating the wrong guys and recognize quality, relationship-ready men.
As always, I wanna hear from you. I wanna know the biggest insight you’re taking away from this blog. Leave a comment below. And if you enjoyed this blog, join Dating with Confidence’s FREE and PRIVATE Facebook group, “Dating Tips For Savvy Single Ladies,” where you can have more personal interaction with me and get support around your love life. And share this blog with your friends.
To your dating success!
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