Seven years ago, about ten days before Thanksgiving, my fiancé broke up with me by sending me a text message. Yep, I was at an Apple store getting training on my new computer and got a text saying “Raeeka, come home now.” I knew exactly what that meant. Not because I was a mind reader, but because I had sensed for quite a while that my fiancé was not present in our relationship anymore.
I won’t go into the details, but I’ll be honest: I felt sad, scared, a bit shocked, and somewhat embarrassed. Like I was unable to keep a man and that I had failed at my relationship. With Thanksgiving around the corner and already being invited to a big family dinner, I thought to myself, how can I handle this with the utmost grace, and what do I need to do to feel empowered and okay?
You see, at that time I had already started my journey as a coach, and I knew if I wanted to make the holiday a pleasant experience and not dread it, I needed to step up and ask quality questions: ones that would put me in the driver’s seat. Questions that would help me take action and not keep me over-analyzing and wondering about things I had absolutely no control over, like Why did he leave? or Why is this happening to me? or What is wrong with me?
Now I want to be honest with you. Of course those non-helpful questions were present, and there was a part of me that was really drawn to staying with those questions. But I knew better. At this point, I’d gone through ten breakups with ten other men, and I knew that if I do that, I am going down the rabbit hole and it will be much more painful and super disempowering. So I decided: this time, I’m going to do it differently. I am going to be radical. While I acknowledged their presence, I refused to do anything that disempowered me, hardened my heart, or shut me down.
Once I stepped into asking questions that were in alignment with what *I* wanted to experience during the Thanksgiving dinner with my family, I felt so empowered and so independent from any outside source defining my presence or participation in any social gathering, especially during the holidays.
So with Thanksgiving upon us this year, here are three ways for you to celebrate it as a single woman and enjoy every second of it. And I promise I won’t make you do a gratitude list! 😉
1. Challenge the idea that holidays are only meant to be enjoyed by couples
Who says holidays are only for people in relationships? Holidays are meant to be enjoyed by everyone!
It’s really the advertising media that perpetuates this idea. If people think the holidays mean you need to buy something for someone in order to be appreciated, or that if you don’t you’ll get in trouble with your significant other, then they sell more products. Simple as that. But being attached to that image is only going to rob you of your own enjoyment and create a negative feeling around being single during the holidays.
You have a choice. You don’t have to attach yourself to that perspective! You can make Thanksgiving, or any other holiday, what you want it to be. If you insist on being attached to the image of being in a relationship for the holidays, then I’m going to be honest… It’s going to be a sucky Thanksgiving if you’re single. Do you want that???
I get that you want to find love. And of course, you deserve it! But wanting to find love and looking for it doesn’t make being single bad or shameful. Believing this only keeps you stuck in pain and negativity around being single, and it also means you’re carrying that negativity with you everywhere you go. Ladies, nobody wants to be around that!
2. Celebrate this Thanksgiving as a single woman… because it might be your last time
After my fiancé left, I decided to enjoy every second of being single because I knew in my heart of hearts that I wanted to be in a solid, loving, and committed relationship. So I decided to enjoy every experience as a single woman because what if that was the last time I was ever single for the rest of my life? And eventually that day came, and I am now with my Tim. I look back at my single days, and I am so happy I chose to savor them and enjoy exploring my experiences as a savvy and smart lady.
3. Enjoy your independence
The upside of being single on holidays is that you don’t have to split your time between going to two different families, or arguing about which one you will go to, or families not getting along, or having to take on the responsibility for throwing a big Thanksgiving dinner yourself. (Or at least that’s how I looked at it!)
You can also leave the event whenever you wish, or stay overnight if you’re close to the host. You see, you can make any decision you want without worrying about checking in with anyone. Which brings me back to point number 2 above: celebrate your holiday time to the fullest, because this might be your last time to do it up exactly how you want without having to take someone else’s needs or wants into consideration!
Let’s not forget: you are the CEO – the Chief Experience Officer – of your life, and of this Thanksgiving holiday. Only you can decide how you want to show up, and there’s no reason to think being single gives you less of a reason to enjoy yourself.
So have a Happy Thanksgiving! This year, I give thanks for YOU. I am so deeply grateful that you are a part of my community.
Here’s to celebrating who you are!
As always, I wanna hear from you. I wanna know the biggest insight you’re taking away from this blog. Leave a comment below. And if you enjoyed this blog, join Dating with Confidence’s FREE and PRIVATE Facebook group, “Dating Tips For Savvy Single Ladies,” where you can have more personal interaction with me and get support around your love life. And share this blog with your friends.
To your dating success!
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