Single ladies, here it comes again, another Valentine’s Day is approaching. Boy do I remember dreading this holiday, wishing I could just vanish so I could escape the constant reminders of my singleness. Yes, I am single! No, I don’t have that special someone! No, I don’t have plans to go to a fancy restaurant, wearing my black dress and red lipstick! Yes, yes, I am very well aware of everything that I wish I had in the love department and everything that society, media and hallmark keeps making me well aware that I don’t have! Yikes! February felt like a month full of “Sorry Raeeka, you aren’t invited to this love fest”!
For any of you ladies who feel the way I did, I hear you and I am here to help you put a stop to this feeling once and for all. February can sometimes feel discouraging and lonely if we aren’t currently in a relationship when that day of hearts and candies rolls around. When we’re bombarded by messages equating love with dozens of roses and romantic candlelight dinners, we can easily fall into a dangerous pattern of measuring our worth by whether or not we have a “special someone” in our lives. When we do that, we lose sight of the fact that love comes in so many wonderful forms. It took me a while to realize that joining the love fest of February had NOTHING to do with being with a man! You don’t need someone else to make you feel worthy of being loved and giving love! I am telling you that once I realized what real loving was all about and where it all began, my love life was revolutionized and I found the most amazing man, the man I thought only existed in my dreams. So read on, because as my February gift to all you smart, savvy and successful single ladies, I want to share these three things that can help you turn your love life around, and more importantly, make February a month where YOU love you!
So up until now you don’t have that special man. No worries! You haven’t found a match yet. Here’s the deal: if you want to have a kick ass V-Day, don’t wait for someone else to make you feel special and loved. Start by LOVING YOURSELF, and I mean truly and deeply loving yourself! This means a lot more than just getting a manicure or a haircut. Focussing on self-love is a gift to yourself in so many ways. Making self-love a priority builds confidence that flows into all aspects of your life, especially your love life! Confidence really cannot be faked, and true confidence starts appearing only when you are truly in action, doing the hard work to make yourself a priority. I am not talking about selfishness or self absorption, I am talking about SELF-LOVE and SELF-COMPASSION. Nothing is sexier to a man than a woman who knows who she is, knows her value, and knows how to communicate her needs without being a pushover, shutting down, getting defensive, or being high-maintenance. Do you know how to get to a place where you can be that woman? You guessed it: it all starts with SELF-LOVE.
Love is our birthright. We all desire and deserve a partner who respects us, cares about us, loves us, meets our needs, and commits to us. In order for that to happen, we need to flip that on ourselves before we can expect it from someone else. Nothing is more of a turn of to a quality guy than a woman who is just waiting for prince charming to walk in and fix things in her life.
So I want to invite you to join the Dating with Confidence™ community of smart, savvy, and high achieving women this February, and to do something totally different! Make everyday an opportunity to care for yourself the way you want to be cared for! Start by practicing these three principles of self-love every day and start your journey to finding real love in yourself and in the man of your dreams:
Self-Love Principle #1 – Respect Yourself
It’s time to stop feeling bad about being single! Here is a different perspective: being single is a choice. Yes! A choice. You have chosen to not be with just anyone, but to be with someone who matches your values and your vision of love. Do you want to be with the wrong person just so you can have someone? NO! Own your desires, and respect your values while being open and friendly. Self-respect means you know what you want and you are at ease with it. Once you start respecting yourself, you will start putting that classy, respectful energy out there, and before you know it, that energy will start attracting the high quality guys with whom you want to have a relationship.
Self-Love Principle #2 – Learn Your Needs
Being single offers you the perfect opportunity to get to know yourself and to become more aware of what you need from life in order to be happy. You need to learn to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others, and it is often difficult for women to set boundaries and put their needs first when they are in a relationship. Just like on an airplane, you will be better equipped to take care of others if you put your own oxygen mask on first. Taking care of yourself includes making your mental and physical health a priority, as well as learning how to set healthy boundaries and how to say a “loving no”. Boundaries will always lead to a healthier relationship, and high quality guys love when you give them that kind of guidance.
Self-Love Principle #3 – Commit To Yourself
Ok, this one is a big one. We all want a partner who makes us a priority and commits to us. I can’t tell you how many women call me to get my support to help them find a man who commits to them. Here’s the deal, and listen carefully, because this is very important: having a committed relationship with a committed man starts with you committing to yourself first. This means committing to what it takes to change your love life around. It means looking deeply at yourself and your patterns, learning which ones are not working for you, and changing them into patterns that do! It means not waiting for a guy to come and make you happy, but instead, committing to your own happiness and doing what it takes to BE happy with or without a man. It means not giving up on your relationship dreams when the going gets tough, not beating yourself up when you slip up or fall short, and always continuing to believe that you deserve happiness and love.
Last but not least, Valentine’s Day is not about the chocolate and the heart shaped cards, it’s about the way you choose to spend that day. So take yourself out on a great date, make a girls day/night out plan with your girlfriends. If they are in relationship, no worries plan it 2 days after or 2 days before. Treat yourself the way you’d like to be treated and keep in mind that this might be the last Valentine’s Day you’ll ever experience as a single woman, so get out there and enjoy this love-filled month to it’s fullest.
Happy Valentine’s Day! Treat yourself like a queen, because you deserve it!
As always, I wanna hear from you. I wanna know the biggest insight you’re taking away from this blog. Leave a comment below. And if you enjoyed this blog, join Dating with Confidence’s FREE and PRIVATE Facebook group, “Dating Tips For Savvy Single Ladies,” where you can have more personal interaction with me and get support around your love life. And share this blog with your friends.
To your dating success!
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