We live in a society that encourages instant gratification. Unfortunately, there is no “enter” button you can press that will magically bring Mr. Right to your door. Finding him is a journey, and those women who are intentional about creating the love lives of their dreams make the effort to learn how to date effectively and master their dating approach. The ones who work on becoming the best versions of their authentic true selves are the ones who find the man of their dreams.
The #1 Key to finding Mr. Right is finding love within yourself. Yes: finding deep, true, honest self love and self compassion is the bottom line, the basis, the end-all-be-all key of finding your ideal man. Now you might read this and think it’s just another woo woo blog post by a life coach. You might say, “Oh whatever. I love myself, I know how awesome I am. I have this degree from this school and I’m totally successful in my career. I know what I’m worth, I take good care of my body, I exercise and eat well, and I take care of my appearance.” Well, while all of that is awesome and very important, those make up just a tiny portion of self love.
A lot of times smart, successful and high-achieving women mistake self love for self esteem. Self esteem is conditional. For example, you got a promotion at work or you were praised for your leadership of your team in the office. Self esteem deals with our ability to relate through our skills and achievements.
Self love describes knowing the value of your heart, your character, and your internal self, including things like your honesty, reliability, responsibility, commitment, lovingness, kindness, etc. When you truly know self love and on that kind of deep level and you anchor (meaning to ground yourself) to that, then you are what I call ‘immovable.’ When you are immovable, external things don’t affect your mood, your strength, or your ability to be resilient, and you are an emotionally healthy lady. This is so sexy to a quality man who has worked on the same things for himself. And trust me, quality men pick up on this kind of stuff…
So here are 5 practical practices for self love to get you ready for creating your desired, mindblowing, out of this world love life with a quality, committed, and amazing man:
1. Prioritize Self Respect
Respect your needs in a relationship. Respect your choice of being single, which is not an act of desperation. You are single because you have chosen not to be with just any man. Respect your desire and vision of your love life. Practice anchoring and reminding yourself that you have choices.
2. Know Your Needs
Know your negotiables and non-negotiables, and own them with softness without getting feisty or feeling like you need to be defensive about what you want. Most of the time this behavior comes from a lack of self love / self confidence. You deserve to own your needs and to get them met; know what you are willing to compromise and what is an absolute must. And since I’ve mentioned it, aim for no more than 5 non-negotiables. (That’s a topic in itself for another blog.)
3. Commit to Yourself
If you want a committed man – a man who walks his talk, has integrity, and is honest – then you need to be the same. You need to commit to yourself like there is no tomorrow – make it your mission to know life is a journey not a destination, and know that every moment gives you the opportunity to become more self-aware, more empowered, and to grow as a person in order to be the best version of yourself.
4. Celebrate Yourself
So often we forget to celebrate our wins. Celebrate them with humility and humbleness, but always know how far you’ve come and own your wins. Write down all your positive attributes and if you need to collect more, ask your friends what they think your positive attributes are. Then anchor to all of your goodness, being grateful for who you are and what you bring to this world. This will encourage you to show up more and more as your best self.
5. Set Boundaries for Limiting Beliefs
Learn to identify the negative stories you tell yourself and make it a point to set boundaries for yourself around them. If you have a hard time stopping your negative beliefs around dating and men, then here is a trick: make an appointment with yourself to be negative at a future time, perhaps in about 2 hours or so from then. Most of the time you will forget to show up to that appointment. 🙂 If you need more help on this, check this training out. It will teach you exactly how to handle your beliefs in order to help you anchor to self love and finding love.
And for an extra bonus, keep a copy of this post somewhere you can access it easily every time you are about to go on a date – read this and anchor to it!
As always, I wanna hear from you. I wanna know the biggest insight you’re taking away from this blog. Leave a comment below. And if you enjoyed this blog, join Dating with Confidence’s FREE and PRIVATE Facebook group, “Dating Tips For Savvy Single Ladies,” where you can have more personal interaction with me and get support around your love life. And share this blog with your friends.
To your dating success!
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