I hear this all the time from women in my in my private FB community, “Dating Tips For Savvy Single Ladies”: they don’t like online dating, or they feel like online dating doesn’t work. Some even have fairly strong feelings against it.
Okay, ladies… I hear you. Though I’m a big believer in online dating, as I see it as another useful tool to ultimately find love with a man in real life, I can see why for some online dating might be frustrating. It’s all about having the tools to date effectively—whether it’s online or offline. If you’re curious as to why I’m a fan of online dating and how you too can create success in your love life using online dating to help you meet quality men, feel free to read a few of my resources here:
But for today, let’s focus on offline dating. Here are some effective tips to help you find love offline and in real life:
1- Tell people you’re actively looking
If you want to meet a man in person, let your friends and family members know you’re actively looking for a quality man! When you don’t put it out there, people won’t make the effort to notice a friend or colleague who might be a good potential match for you. Who knows: Mr. Right could be working at a friend’s firm, or playing sports on the weekend with a family member. When people who know you well know you’re looking, they’ll have a good idea if someone they know could be a possibility. Why not have some extra eyes on the lookout for you? It’s okay if a recommendation doesn’t turn out to be a match; there’s nothing wrong with increasing your chances of meeting someone in person.
2- Take yourself out to a social event
Gather up some courage and go alone. Sometimes guys can be intimidated by a group of women, so you might increase your chances of being approached if you’re by yourself. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks! Anyone who has ever gone to something alone knows that someone who appears comfortable when they’re in that situation is attractive because it shows confidence. And confidence is sexy! If you need practice feeling comfortable, just play a game where you show up as if you’re the hottest girl in the room. Act like it, and watch what happens!
3- Practice connecting with men in public
Go out to public places: coffee shops, restaurants with common sitting areas, social gatherings, gallery openings, parks, sporting events, happy hours, meet-ups (Meetup.com). These are all great places to see men and to make eye contact. Look at them and smile, which is great way for building confidence and getting comfortable with connecting. Everyone likes a kind, approachable person. Don’t worry about “messing up”; they’re just strangers! You can always walk away and try again. And you never know… one of those guys might be single and looking too. Making eye contact and smiling might be enough for him to come over and introduce himself. 🙂
4- Initiate a conversation
Sometimes a guy doesn’t know whether he should start a conversation with you or not, and a quality man is so appreciative when you give him a way to approach you! It’s very common for a man to want to talk to a woman he’s attracted to. Yet if he’s afraid of saying the wrong thing or making the wrong impression, he loses the courage to speak up. You can help make both of you more comfortable by asking a question. If you’re in a cafe, ask him if he’s been there before and if so what’s good on the menu, or what coffee he recommends. If you’re in a bookstore, ask him if he’s ever read something by the author you’re looking at. If you’re buying an accessory, like a phone cover or something, ask him which model or color he’d choose between two you’re looking at… anything that would allow him to begin to engage in a conversation. This is great practice for engaging guys in person and seeing if a chance encounter has the potential to lead anywhere else!
5- Practice vulnerability
If you want to find love and intimacy, you’ve got to be vulnerable… and for many women, that can be challenging. Being vulnerable usually feels uncomfortable, especially at first, since it seems like we shouldn’t show that side of ourselves to people. Everything we’ve talked about above allows you to practice vulnerability in different ways: telling people you’re looking, taking a class in something new, going to a singles event by yourself, striking up a conversation with a guy, making eye contact. These are all ways that allow you to move deeper in this practice and increase your ability to open up to a guy so that he can get to know you and get a sense of who you really are. Without that, it’s impossible to develop a lasting, quality relationship.
Love is not a game of luck. If you want to create the lasting love you desire, you’ve got to get out of your comfort zone and take risks! It takes time and energy and commitment to yourself to make it happen, and you deserve it!
As always, I wanna hear from you. I wanna know the biggest insight you’re taking away from this blog. Leave a comment below. And if you enjoyed this blog, join Dating with Confidence’s FREE and PRIVATE Facebook group, “Dating Tips For Savvy Single Ladies,” where you can have more personal interaction with me and get support around your love life. And share this blog with your friends.
To your dating success!
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