He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me… he loves me not… If only that system worked to tell you if he’s really thinking LTR (long-term relationship) or not.
Finding out if a man is looking to be in it with you for the long haul is not guesswork or rocket science. It’s actually not that hard to figure out if you look to his actions. As women, we have to remember that men generally talk less and show more. So while he might be in the relationship, paying attention to what he isn’t saying makes life so much easier and less complicated for women.
Since men speak louder with actions than words, the best way to find out if they’re serious about a long term relationship with you is to be mindful of their actions.
Now I want to make sure you know that there is a difference between a guy being into you and interested in you or being interested in you for the long term. This is the next stage after you want to know if he’s thinking long-term relationship—and for those of you who want marriage, you want to know if he’s thinking marriage. A guy might totally be into you and committed to being with you… but not committed enough to want to go to that next stage, which is a life partnership: a lifetime commitment.
So if you want to know, you should observe his actions. And if he’s doing these things, he may not be in it for the long term:
1- He doesn’t seem to mention you in his future plans
When a man is thinking long term with you, he keeps making plans with you. Not just plans about next weekend, but actually future plans, like what kind of house you guys like or what to do for holidays or vacation in six months, or what city you might like to live in. All this is because he wants to have you in his life. If he avoids talking about things that would happen further down the road, he might be saying he’s hesitant to make a long-term commitment.
2- He doesn’t talk about introducing you to friends and family
Once you’re past the solo dates, as you are getting to know each other, if a man is serious about you he’s going to make plans to introduce you to his family and friends. He’s going to invite you as his plus one to events. He should want to know if you get along well with his community and what a future with you would look like in his world. Friends and family are one the most important parts of his life; so if your man isn’t including you in his community, that’s a sign he isn’t thinking of you in his-long term plans.
3- He avoids hanging out with your friends
Since friends and family are important to you too, of course you would want him to spend time with your community as well. When you ask him to hang out with your friends, family, or colleagues, does he always find an excuse or make a big fuss about it? Does he make it to where you give up and don’t bother? Or does he reluctantly go, but clings to you and resists having conversations with others?
A guy who’s looking for a committed, long-term future with you will put his differences aside and try his best to mesh with your community. He should want to be part of your world and to be included.
4- He won’t change his plans for you
He loves his independence and likes to have his “guys night out,” and there’s nothing wrong with that. But if he’s got plans and he’s not really interested in a LTR, chances of him changing them for you are slim. A guy who’s looking to have a long-term future with you will make an effort to move things around to make it work if something is important to you. While this might be seen as compromise, when you love someone and want to be with them (and the key word is “want”), changing plans doesn’t seem like a compromise. He’ll try to be flexible or think of a “solution” about how to make it work in order to spend time with you and still do that other thing he wanted. Maybe it’s to make sure that you both see your families during the holidays, or move plans around so he can catch that show or work party with you, just to be with you. This is called “commitment”: if he makes no attempt to change his plans or doesn’t show any remorse that he can’t be with you, then he’s showing you that he’s not thinking of being committed to you for the long term.
Like everything, don’t assume you know how he feels, and don’t necessarily base your thoughts on something that happens only once. But if you see an ongoing pattern emerging, it’s time to use what I call “compassionate communication skills” to ask him where he feels the relationship is going in the future. It’s up to you to know what you want and to create the love life you deserve and desire!
If you’d like to know EXACTLY how to read men better and identify the four different kinds of men that exist when it comes to dating – including how to know if a man is relationship-ready – AND what you need to do once you meet him, I’ve created a free training for you called The “Broken Picker” Solution. This is information you can use immediately, and I’m giving it away because I believe with all my heart that every woman deserves love. And to create the love life you deserve and desire, you need to know what’s keeping you from that quality relationship. With so many things in your life going right, you are absolutely capable of attracting and keeping Mr. Right too!
As always, I wanna hear from you. I wanna know the biggest insight you’re taking away from this blog. Leave a comment below. And if you enjoyed this blog, join Dating with Confidence’s FREE and PRIVATE Facebook group, “Dating Tips for Savvy Single Ladies,” where you can have more personal interaction with me and get support around your love life. And share this blog with your friends.
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