One of the complaints that I hear from single women ALL the time is that there are NO quality men in their town! We’ve all said at least one of these things to our girlfriends at some point:
“All the good ones are already taken!”
“Every guy in my city is shallow/superficial/non-committal/unmotivated/obsessed with work/etc!”
After years of disappointing dates and unfulfilling relationships, you become convinced that true love with a quality man is a total myth. Listen, I hear you! I’ve been right where you are and I know how frustrating it can be, because deep down, all you truly want is a committed relationship with a wonderful man. You want someone who gets you, supports you, and loves you…you just don’t know where he could be!
Now unless you live in Antarctica and there are literally only a handful of men, it is HIGHLY unlikely that there are zero quality men in your town! The issue is not a lack of quality men, you are just having a hard time picking them out. Either your “picker” is broken and the guys you keep choosing are not relationship-ready, or your ideas about what a relationship-ready man looks like are causing you to overlook some really great guys. I call this “broken picker syndrome” and it is an epidemic among so many single women!
Look, it’s important to remember that just because your picker is broken does NOT mean that you are broken or deficient in any way. Most of us never really learned HOW to date – it’s certainly not something we were taught in school!
Think about all the areas in your life in which you have excelled and found success. Could you have gotten to where you are today without any training or guidance? Dating is just like anything else; you need to learn the skills and tools in order to be successful. Without the skills to decipher between the guys who are relationship-ready and the ones who aren’t, the dating pool can seem totally empty or full of bad guys who seem great at first and then break your heart. No wonder women think there are no quality men out there…
The great news is that the dating pool is actually filled with quality men, and they are waiting for you to realize that they’ve been there all along! Here are just some of the dating myths that single women hold on to as absolute truth. See if any of these might be standing in the way of you finding true love with one of these great guys:
MYTH- Real love matches only happen in person, not online.
It amazes me how many women are still resistant to online dating! Sure, we all dream of locking eyes with a stranger across a crowded room, but how many times can we expect that to result in a compatible match? Learning how to date effectively online is a skill, but it’s one you can definitely learn. And once you have the know-how, you’ll be able to craft your profile to weed out the wrong guys and attract the right ones. You’ll also be able to notice the signs that a guy is not relationship ready, before you get too involved. Online dating drastically widens your net, so it’s a great way to meet men if you feel like you aren’t bumping into them on the street. Technology has enhanced our lives in so many ways and changed the way we do so many things…remember using a landline or a payphone? To say that you don’t want to try online dating is like saying I don’t want to have a computer, a smartphone, or a credit card! Just because it’s not the way our parents did things doesn’t make it any less valid.
MYTH- I’ll know right away that I’ve met the right guy, because I’ll experience fireworks and instant chemistry.
Sometimes the relationship-worthy guys are a little slow to warm up – they might not be smooth talkers like the players or open up to you right away with deep personal confessions like the needy guys. (Both of these types of men that can be easily mistaken as the the relationship-ready type.) At first you might mistake their reserved nature for a lack of chemistry or even a lack of interest. It’s super important to keep an open mind and not write these guys off too quickly! While chemistry is very important, it can mean many things and might not look the way you imagine. Of course having physical attraction is important, but ALSO remember to focus on whether his values match yours, and figure out whether his words and actions match up with each other – there is a difference between attractive qualities and important qualities. At the end of the day, the initial high of physical attraction will fade, but the important qualities will remain. It takes time to discover what kind of a person someone is deep down, so give these guys a chance to show you their relationship-worthy traits.
MYTH- I can only have a happy relationship with a man who shares my cultural background, religion, ethnicity, etc.
This is a time to sit down with yourself and be honest about what YOU truly want in a partner. If deep down, you know that it is important to you to find a partner who shares your religious or ethnic background, that is absolutely valid! You might have to get a little creative and travel a bit, depending on the population of your town, but you can certainly find men to date. If you feel that you should date a certain type of man because you think it is what is expected of you or it is what would make your family happy, it’s time to look at the situation a little differently and be open to trying something new. Think about the values that are important to you. Who says that two people from different backgrounds won’t share the same values? If traditions and holidays are important to you, think about how exciting it could be to introduce those experiences that mean so much to you to someone you love! Think of how cool it could be to learn about his traditions and background as well. Honesty and communication about your expectations are important, and real love connections and wonderful relationships can be formed between people who come from very different places.
MYTH- All the good guys are married or taken already.
You will only know this if you look at the census data for your city, and if you do go to all that trouble, you will surely find that not ALL the men in your town are married or in a relationship. And you probably haven’t met all the single ones, so you can’t say all of the good ones are taken. The one thing this world is not lacking in is population, and there are many men you have yet to meet! If we think in terms of scarcity, that mentality is what we are going to put out into the universe, and that is what we are going to get back in return. Scarcity will be all we see and all we attract. If you want something, you can’t think the opposite and expect to attract anything different! What you can do is enhance your dating knowledge, learn about the different types of men, their characteristics, and what steps to take in dating them. This way, you can start attracting and staying with the quality ones, and eventually find your man.
As always, I wanna hear from you. I wanna know the biggest insight you’re taking away from this blog. Leave a comment below. And if you enjoyed this blog, join Dating with Confidence’s FREE and PRIVATE Facebook group, “Dating Tips For Savvy Single Ladies,” where you can have more personal interaction with me and get support around your love life. And share this blog with your friends.
To your dating success!
P.S. Want to start your training now? Click here to get my FREE TRAINING: The Broken Picker Solution. It will cost you absolutely nothing and you will gain all that juicy information that our academic system never gave you about your love life!
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