When working with my clients, something I hear all the time is, “I really like this guy, but how do I tell him that I like him?” It can be challenging to let your guard down and put yourself out there when so much of what you’ve heard tells you to leave all of the initiating to him. Listen: men are not mind readers. Just like us, clear communication is the only way they are going to know what you want. So, if you’re interested in a guy, it’s important that you let him know gracefully and with confidence.
So often women think they shouldn’t openly show their interest in a man because it will come off as looking desperate. Nope! That’s not true. You can totally let a man know how you feel about him without coming across as needy, high-maintenance, or like you’re chasing him.
If you follow my work, you know I’m all about women being their most irresistible selves. I love it so much that I developed a whole coaching program called Irresistible Woman. (It’s definitely worth checking out if you want answers to all of your dating questions!) But in the meantime, here are four quick, easy ways for you to show the man you like that you’re into him while maintaining your irresistible status:
1. Compliment him
As women, we’re used to complimenting each other, whether it’s visual like hair/clothing or behavioral (kindness, generosity, etc). It comes so naturally to us, but men don’t typically walk around the office saying, “Hey Mike, love your glasses!” Men just don’t get as many compliments as women do.
Compliments are a graceful form of flirting; it’s a subtle way of showing him that you’re into him, and being specific about the feature that’s catching your attention makes it even more effective. For example, you could tell a guy, “I love how that shirt brings out the color of your eyes. It looks great on you!” You can get some additional ideas on how to flirt like this by watching my Dating 411 video on 6 Ways to Flirt Effectively.
2. Practice active listening
Listening is a very simple, powerful way of communicating to a man that he’s got your attention, and it’s an essential part of any successful relationship. Go beyond just hearing and actively listen to what he is telling you. You can say something like, “So I’m hearing that you…” and then repeat back what you heard him say in your own words. This action will show him that you are attentive to what he’s saying, and you are interested in him and his world. It’s a subtle way to show a man you’re interested without being forward or aggressive at all in your approach.
It’s important that you don’t interrupt him or try to “one-up” him. A lot of times smart and successful women bring their competitive career personality into their dating experience. Remember, you’re going on a date to find out whether or not the guy is a good match. It’s not about proving yourself to him, it’s about learning about someone else and seeing if you’re compatible. You can appreciate what he’s saying without inserting your opinion or telling him how much you know about the topic he’s brought up. Just enjoy getting to know each other! It’s great to have common interests and to talk about them, as long as you’re not always making him feel like you know more than him—guys don’t want to compete with their partners.
3. Use the magic AAA method
The AAA method stands for showing him you Appreciate him, Acknowledge him, and Approve of him.
Appreciate him for the effort and consideration he puts into his time with you. Does he make you laugh like no one else? Is he a great conversationalist? Show him your appreciation for these things. It will signal to him that you enjoy his company and who he is as a person.
You can also acknowledge him for anything he does to go the extra mile for you, like holding the door open or coming to pick you up. These are the thoughtful, chivalrous things that make you feel cared for. Since they tend to be small gestures, he may not see them as a big deal, but he will definitely notice and appreciate your acknowledgment!
And tell him when you approve of choices he makes that you like. These might be things you have in common or things that you just think are good choices on his part. Did he choose a restaurant that serves your favorite type of food? Did you notice his kindness and consideration toward another person? Let him know! This will show him that you’re in alignment with him and that he’s doing a good job in your eyes. Which brings me to my last tip…..
4. Give him the opportunity to win with you
Men love to know that they are succeeding and winning, both in their careers and in love. Relationship-ready guys want to know that they’re doing the right things by you, but they won’t know for sure unless you tell them. So, if he calls you or texts you and you like that, then let him know, “I love hearing from you.” Or if he makes a gesture you enjoy, communicate your thoughts, such as “I love it when you hold my hand.”
This is not only a gracious way to let him know that he’s winning with you, but also a way to encourage him to do more of what you like (Double win!). Once again: men are not mind readers. A quality and relationship-ready man would love to know what the woman he is interested in likes so that he can actually do the things that are most meaningful to her. It will make both of you feel amazing, which is exactly what you want!
As always, I wanna hear from you. I wanna know the biggest insight you’re taking away from this blog. Leave a comment below. And if you enjoyed this blog, join Dating with Confidence’s FREE and PRIVATE Facebook group, “Dating Tips for Savvy Single Ladies,” where you can have more personal interaction with me and get support around your love life. And share this blog with your friends.
To your dating success!
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