The time right after a breakup can be challenging—nobody likes the feelings of anger, loss, frustration, or sadness that can follow, and you may not feel good about being single again. You might also find yourself in one of two camps: you think you don’t ever want to date again, or you want to rush right back into dating.
It’s important to take some time and consider how you want to show up so that you can create the love life you truly desire. You want to be sure you’re not rushing into dating for any of the following reasons, as they are sure to bring you right back to being single.
1. Rushing into dating to get over your breakup
If you’re feeling hurt, you might think that someone new could be just the solution to your breakup blues. But this is a mistake if you actually want to heal and move forward in a healthy way. The only things that will help you get over your breakup are time and being intentional about healing. Dating to get over your breakup means that you’re looking for someone else to distract you from your feelings, and that means it’s going to take you longer to get over those feelings and move on.
2. Rushing into dating to fill the void of your ex
Breakups can leave you feeling empty in some ways, and it can be painful to experience the loneliness that can follow a breakup. If you had certain habits or routines that were part of your relationship, you might be looking for anything to fill that space. But the last thing you should do is try to fill that void with another person. This makes it almost impossible to be present. While this new guy might be really interested in getting to know you, you can’t possibly reciprocate if you’ve decided his purpose is to take the place of your ex and fill in the gaps. Instead, take your time to fill any loneliness by making true connections with yourself and others.
3. Rushing into dating to feel like you “still got it”
It’s easy to let a lack of self-esteem cause you to want a boost, but it’s a mistake to date any guy who’s interested because it makes you feel wanted or attractive because of the attention. Going on dates with guys you’re not interested in just to make yourself feel better isn’t really fair to guys who are truly looking to date intentionally, and it’s not going to get you closer to what you really want out of your love life. If you’re not ready to genuinely date to get to know someone, then you aren’t ready to date again yet. Don’t be afraid to take the time you need to realize that you’ve “got it” whether or not you’re in a relationship!
4. Rushing into dating to show your ex you don’t need him
If you feel like your ex made a big mistake, you might want to prove him wrong. If you’re immediately unavailable, then he would realize that he’s the one missing out now, right? You don’t know how your ex will interpret your new relationship, however; perhaps he’ll think you’ve moved on and so he should too. This isn’t helpful—your purpose for dating should never be to use one person to get back at another. If the relationship with your ex is over but you’re not over him, you need to focus on yourself and come to a place where you can be grounded in who you are so that you can date intentionally once again. Keeping yourself in the center of your love life will get you much further if you are truly intentional about finding a match.
If you really want to find happiness, you don’t want to rush into dating after a breakup for the wrong reasons. It’s important to take time to heal and to reflect on what is truly important to you in a relationship, in addition to doing any self-work that will prepare you for success. This might include working with a dating coach or learning how to date intentionally by taking a course. Remember, there was no class to teach you how to date; it’s okay to seek that information out and learn the tools needed to create the love life you deserve!
As always, I wanna hear from you. I wanna know the biggest insight you’re taking away from this blog. Leave a comment below. And if you enjoyed this blog, join Dating with Confidence’s FREE and PRIVATE Facebook group, “Dating Tips for Savvy Single Ladies,” where you can have more personal interaction with me and get support around your love life. And share this blog with your friends.
To your dating success!
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