As much as I’m an outgoing person, and expressing myself is within my comfort zone, for me flirting was never easy and it took me quite a while to understand what flirting is about and how I could do it effectively.
You see, many strong, successful, career-oriented women have this idea that flirting is for women who don’t respect themselves or are loose or ditsy. I can see why they feel this way; in most work environments where the male population dominates the female population in number and in power, today’s modern woman needs to assert herself with more masculine energy. That means she needs to be more of a headstrong, get it done, no-nonsense person who is competing with male colleagues to have the same respect and rank in the work area. (And don’t get me started on competing for the same pay rate.) So in many ways, she needs to abandon her innate softness and nurturing qualities, replacing them with qualities that are known to be professional: straight to the point, assertive, and maybe even cold language and energy. In other words, she can NOT be vulnerable. At least not until she establishes herself.
A man doesn’t want to date another dude. That’s what I tell my ambitious, high-achieving, savvy, successful clients. So in order to create connection, you must show your softer side: the kinder, gentler, receiving, more vulnerable side. And even more so, you must be really comfortable with it and feel empowered in that zone of being.
Flirting is really just a tool to show a man you’re interested in him. And the mistake that many ambitious women make is that they banter with a man and think that is flirting. Now while that could be a form of flirting with a man you are more familiar with and perhaps in a relationship with, where you both trust each other, often times when you do that in no context with a man you don’t know and you’re just getting to know on a dating level, it can come across as you not liking him and being opposed to him.
So here are four ways you can flirt with class and grace to show a man you’re interested without needing to be loose or losing your dignity.
1. Compliment him
It is so simple to find something nice about a man and to acknowledge him for it. Unlike women, men don’t have the common experience of being acknowledged or complimented. They don’t use words as much as women do to express themselves and therefore when they hear a compliment, it means a lot to them. Find something nice about him to highlight. Compliment him on his outfit or the restaurant he picked, or the fact that he showed up to the date and is gracious, or on the conversation that you’re enjoying. Something as simple as, “I really enjoyed our conversation and everything about tonight” goes a long way. You are showing him you’re open to meeting him again and you’re interested.
2. Use your eyes
It’s so easy these days to be distracted, as we are all so used to our smartphones interrupting us. Put your phone away completely and be present in your dating experience with him. Look him in the eye when you’re talking to each other (not the people around you). Showing him that he has all your attention simply shows him you are present and that you’re genuinely paying attention. And that shows you’re interested in him.
Smile, smile, and smile! Smiling at him when you’re in his presence and around him shows that you are having a good time and you like to be around him. It’s a way of confirming that whatever he’s doing, he’s doing it right. Men love to win with women. When you smile, you’re letting him know he is winning with you. I strongly suggest practicing your facial expressions in the mirror before going on a date. When we’re alone, we’re not very aware of the expressions our faces make, as we are not required to be expressive in that way with ourselves.
4. Body language
Let your body talk for you. Subtly touching your neck or gently playing with your hair when you’re with him shows that you’re interested and enjoying your time with him. Make sure that your body is squared out to him and leaning to one side to create some curvature, which always makes for a softer physical presence. Don’t hesitate to touch him on the forearm or biceps (guys love that) if you want to compliment him or acknowledge him. You are simply showing in many ways that you are into him.
The powerful thing about these four ways of flirting is: none of these ways is saying “Let’s have sex.” They are just subtle ways of showing you are attracted to him and his personality.
As always, I wanna hear from you. I wanna know the biggest insight you’re taking away from this blog. Leave a comment below. And if you enjoyed this blog, join Dating with Confidence’s FREE and PRIVATE Facebook group, “Dating Tips for Savvy Single Ladies,” where you can have more personal interaction with me and get support around your love life. And share this blog with your friends!
To your dating success!
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