One of the common questions I hear from my community of single ladies is, “How do I tell him we are not a match? I don’t want to hurt him.” Letting someone know you’re not a match is difficult for many of you, and it’s very understandable. BUT – and here comes the “but,” ladies – rejection is part of the dating journey.
You don’t want to get stuck in a dating situation that is not a match for you simply because you don’t know how to tell him he’s not the one for you. So here are three ways to gracefully let down a guy so you can move on.
1- Not Everybody Is a Match
It’s okay if you’re not a match. Not every man and woman will be a match for each other. For those who are looking for a monogamous relationship, it takes only ONE person to be your match. So it’s natural and highly predictable that many times you will find a man who is not the right one for you. Remember, dating is not the end of the journey of finding love; it’s a means to an end. It’s a way of meeting different men so you can get to know them and see who might be the right man for you. So the fact that many of the men you’ll date will not be a match is part of the journey to finding love with the right man.
2- You Are Not Responsible for How He Will Take It
Just like it is not a man’s job to be responsible for how you take it when he lets you know that you are not a match, the same is true for you. Here’s the deal: it’s more difficult to be the one who rejects. For those of you who are compassionate and aware of how you make someone else feel, you don’t want to make a guy hurt because you understand that being rejected can be very painful. And this can mean you end up staying stuck in a dating situation because you don’t want to hurt his feelings. But *you* are not hurting his feelings. Why? Because you’re being honest. Yes, it might be unpleasant or disappointing for him to know that your heart’s not in it when he is more invested, but it is our individual responsibility to be mature and have done enough inner empowerment work to be able to hear from someone that we are not a match and not get all bent out of shape. That is his job, just like your empowerment journey is your responsibility. Your job in this case is to be honest and not string him along. Your job is to be transparent and to communicate with grace. In fact, it is utterly irresponsible to be dishonest about our intentions and feelings just because we want to be nice. That is much more damaging to both of you. Which brings us to tip #3:
3- Communicate with Respect and Compassion
Depending on how well you know him and how long you’ve dated him, you can use text, phone or in person conversation to communicate your truth. The most important thing is to make sure he knows you’re being honest and that your communication is out of respect for both of you. You should mention that you are intentional about your dating and out of respect for you both, you’re being honest about how you feel. You would like to be honest and not waste either of your time, as you know that dating is an emotional and time-consuming investment.
It is so much more honest and honorable to be transparent about where you stand with a man rather than wasting both of your time or giving him false hope simply because you’re scared or uncomfortable about a few moments of letting someone know you’re not a match.
I always say to my clients, do what you want to be done for you. If you hate being strung along, then walk your talk and model that. You will be amazed at how the level of men you attract becomes much higher. Because when you play games, you attract more game players.
As always, I wanna hear from you. I wanna know the biggest insight you’re taking away from this blog. Leave a comment below. And if you enjoyed this blog, join Dating with Confidence’s FREE and PRIVATE Facebook group, “Dating Tips for Savvy Single Ladies,” where you can have more personal interaction with me and get support around your love life. And share this blog with your friends.
To your dating success!
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